No problem, this is common and actually great for you.
This raises the odds that you two share a love language and you are already combining languages without even knowing it.
More than one love language gives you more ideas of how to show your partner how much you care. If you share one or two of those languages, showing love in that way will be much easier.
What are Love Languages? Dr. Gary Chapman developed the most amazing system to help us understand how we and our partner need to receive love. Your love language is how you give and need to receive affection.
This is not a want, your partner NEEDs this from you.
Be sure to take the free Love Languages assessment by Dr. Gary Chapman so you are certain. Understanding your partner’s love language(s) could bring you SO much closer and save your relationship.
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes You want to know what all of your love languages are and your partner’s.
If you do not share love languages in common, that is ok! It will just take more time to get into these new habits. It is critical that you both commit to talking openly about what you need. Your partner is not able to read your mind.
Your partner’s language may seem cold to you or like a foreign language. It is ok that what they need does not feel loving to you. Doing it their style is going to bring them closer to you and fill their love tank.
Tips for how to manage multiple love languages:
- Read the book – (see link below) turn to the sections that apply to your partner (You may want to read your sections too) You will then be able to get your brain around what they need and what their language means. If it makes sense to you then it will be easier to do.
- Ask your partner how they feel – Do they feel close to you? Do they feel connected and appreciated? If not, they need more of their love language.
- Be open with your partner about what you need. Be specific, it is so helpful to your partner to know what feels good to you.
- Give each other feedback. I love this! Or thank you so much for trying this with me. Or this didn’t work the way I thought it would let’s try this way next time. I saw how hard you tried today I can’t tell you what that means to me…..
- Show appreciation for their effort. They are going to try all sorts of things. Say what you like, what you enjoy, what brought you closer and if you would like it again. Your appreciation will make them feel loved right back and let them know they are on the right track.
IDEAS: Combine languages into one gesture. Here are some examples –
- Movie night – get their favorite treat, snuggle up to watch a movie and then talk about the movie afterward. (gift, quality time, and touch)
- Dinner Date night – leave a romantic note inviting your partner out to dinner, tell them the time, what to wear, etc. Make the reservation and get a sitter if needed. Hold hands and sit close in the restaurant. Share a wonderful meal taking time to enjoy each other. (words of affirmation, quality time gifts, touch, and acts of service)
- Make their favorite morning beverage and give them a kiss on the way out the door. (acts of service, gifts, and touch. Add a sticky note with “I love you”, put it in their car and you also have words of affirmation)
- Unload the car, put the groceries away while your partner relaxes after a long day. Then join them on the couch and ask about their day, while you are listening, rub the back of their neck. (acts of service, touch, words of affirmation, and quality time)
The book “5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman is incredibly helpful. It explains what love languages are and then in detail how you can show love and affection to your partner in their love language.
Book Kindle
This is going to take time to get used to. Give yourself and your partner grace to develop these new habits, time to gather ideas, read sections of the book, etc. It takes 21 days to develop a new habit. Don’t worry, you will get there.
Aren’t sure if you are doing it right? Well, there is not a right or wrong way, just preferences. So ask. Ask your partner if you are on the right track and what they need more of and less of from you.
Want to talk about your love languages and how to get you better connected? Reach out to me anytime at https://trueconnection.coach/ You got this! It just takes a bit of practice.
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