Are You Nervous For Your Date?
That is completely ok and normal. Your date is likely nervous too! Even if you have chatted online or on the phone, meeting someone for the 1st time is a whole new experience. Dates can be exciting and nerve-wracking so here are some tips to help you get your chill on so you can sincerely enjoy yourself.
I am SO proud of you for taking this risk and putting yourself out there!
I know you want to make a good impression and really get to know this person, so you know if you want a 2nd date. The best way to do this is to be relatively calm and remember, the ball is in your court.
Here are 17 Tips and Tricks to Feeling More Confident on Your Date
1. Get What You Are Wearing Ready the Day Before
Feeling prepared for a date goes a long long way to making you feel calm and confident. Get your outfit ready the day before, and the day of, take your time getting ready. You want the pre-date time to be relaxed and not rushed. Be sure to wear something that brings out your inner man or woman, that makes you feel confident and attractive.
2. Get Your Chat On
Talking with other people will calm your nerves so while you are out and about the day of your date, make chit-chat with people at work, at the store, at the gym, so you are in a conversational state of mind.
3. Practice Your Story
Your date may ask you about your story – what happened to your marriage or relationship. What do you want to share? I would recommend the cliff’s notes version. Do not feel pressure to give away too much or go into the entire story. They likely just want a high-level answer.
4.Play/Relax
Put on your favorite music, take a bath, work in the yard, or turn on a movie that is going to make you laugh or put you in a romantic mood (no thrillers, no crime stories..). Doing something like gardening will get you out of your head and in the moment so you are distracted from your worries.
5. Get Physical
Get moving to get those endorphins pumping and there is no faster way to get those jittery nerves out of your system. It also makes you feel good about yourself which raises your confidence. Choose your favorite activity, go to the gym, have a living room dance-off, or play with your dog in the yard. It will make you smile.
6. Call a Friend For That Needed Boost
Call your best friend before your date to get that pep talk you need. They can remind you of how amazing you are and that you are truly a great catch! Get your nerves out by talking through your fears on the phone and they will be able to normalize those fears, give you advice, and remind you that 90%+ of what you worry about will never happen.
7. Make Sure You Are Going to a Good Date Location
You will want both you and your date to feel relaxed and not weirded out by a strange location. It needs to be in public and in a place where you can actually talk to each other – so no sports bars! I would not recommend doing something like going hiking or playing tennis. Hiking is too remote and you can’t speak to each other when you are divided by a court. And honestly, there aren’t a lot of women that want to get all sweaty on a 1st or 2nd date. (Get your mind out of the gutter now…)
8. What Do You Want to Know?
One way to be sure the date goes well is to have some questions ready. Some fun and interesting ones and some that you are sincerely interested in. Look up my blog about fun date questions and think about what you want to know about your date. Having some questions ready will intrigue your date and make you feel more prepared. There will be no awkward silence and you will be sure to learn what you hope to. Make it fun! This isn’t a job interview, so don’t put pressure on yourself to answer perfectly.
9. Meditate or Take a Nap
You will feel better after some rest. There are many amazing apps you can play nature music, a sleep story, or do a meditation with a reader.
Taking this time for yourself will help release negative emotions, calm your jitters and help you center yourself so you are more yourself on the date.
10. Own Your Feelings
Recognize that you are nervous and that it is ok. Sometimes just acknowledging an uncomfortable feeling can start to settle you. When you arrive your date may just tell you that they are nervous too (because they are).
11. Leave Early for Your Date
Leaving early makes you feel confident and in control. You don’t want to feel rushed and make a poor impression by being late. When you arrive you can tell yourself how awesome and prepared you are!
12. Keep the Timeline in Mind
Remembering the date’s timeline will take away some nerves too. No one expects a marathon 1st date. A first or second date should only last a couple of hours if you are having a good time. The great thing about a public location is that you can leave after 45 minutes if you aren’t having a good time. If you are having a great time then accept another date. Woo Hoo!
13. Light Up Your Vibe!
You are there early, take 5 minutes in the car to take deep breaths. Think about who you are attracted to and who you are hoping this person might be. Close your eyes, imagine the date going well, you smiling and having a good time and attracting the right mate into your life.
Ladies: If you are seeking a masculine man, a masculine man is most looking forward to seeing and feeling your feminine energy. Put away your work persona and soften into the real you so he can see who you are. You don’t want to be friend-zoned because your energies are too similar. The truth is you want a masculine man so let him be the man on the date.
Men: if you want a feminine woman, then get out your masculine energy. She wants to feel safe and protected. If she forgot to transition into her feminine energy then say out loud “let me get the door for you” and make sure she is comfortable during the date and she has what she needs. If she needs another drink, you ask the server over to take her order. Your date wants to feel like she is on a date and treated like a lady.
14. Know Your Limit
Have a drink if you like, but make sure it is not more than 1 per hour. You need to drive home, and you want to make sure you are present in this date. If your behavior changes or the topics get bizarre or over the top, you are not going to make a good impression.
A drink can help relax you, just watch your consumption. Be sure to drink water along with the alcohol so you stay hydrated and aren’t tempted to overdrink.
15. Remember the Mission
Have fun! This is JUST a get-to-know-you date, not decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person date. The goal of a date is to have a good time and get to know them. Take deep breaths frequently throughout the date to calm yourself. This is about having fun and seeing if you two have a connection. Keep your eye on the mission, smile, laugh, be playful, flirt.
16. Remember, This is Not life or Death
This is a date, not open-heart surgery. Keep perspective so that you are not putting pressure on your or your date for it to be perfect. Your date is nervous too so give them some grace, give them a real chance, and remember this is just a 1st date. It gets easier with every date.
17. Maybe It Didn’t Go Well
That is ok. You walked away feeling like your date wasn’t your person or you did something embarrassing. The truth is you are being too hard on yourself. If you did something you regret, it likely isn’t nearly the big deal you think it is to the other person. Sum it up to a funny moment.
Not your person? Ok, you took a risk. Celebrate that! So proud of you for putting yourself out there.
Did you get rejected? That hurts… but it is part of the process. And the truth is, if they thought you weren’t a good match then you weren’t. Whew! You saved weeks of time and money not dating the wrong person. Woo hoo!
Did it go well? Then celebrate and look forward to a 2nd date. Be honest if you do not want to go out with them again. Please don’t waste anyone’s time or money. You are relationship-minded and so are they, so move on to your next interest. Be kind and respectful and wish them well.
Great job putting yourself out there and dating. As you date, go back to your list of what you want and need in a partner. Make changes as you walk this journey because what was important to you 15 years ago may not be so important now. You will also discover some new things that you value at this stage in your life. Well done!
