Don’t Let Mother Nature Destroy Your Relationship 

You have two choices when tragedy strikes: 

  1. Come towards each other 
  2. Pull away from each other

Black woman consoling anonymous unhappy boyfriend on sofa at home

What will you choose? You don’t want to lose even more, you’ve already lost so much.

 

I am so sorry for all that you are going through, my thoughts are with you.

Your choice will determine the fate of your relationship.

 

You may be tempted to pull away. Maybe you and your partner haven’t been close or maybe you are going through so much emotionally, that you don’t know how to share how you feel. Maybe you are hurting so much you have nothing left to give to your partner.  

 

That is all OK and that is normal. Please remember that when you give to your partner it is helping to maintain your connection and they will give back to you. You can lift each other up. 

 

A very important thing to remember is everyone deals with tragedy differently. You are going to need certain things from your partner and they will need certain things from you. Try to love and respect each other‘s process as best you can. You will likely not go through this in sync.

 

You may have different feelings at different times than your partner. You also will likely recover at different rates because grief and recovery happen at different speeds for everyone.

 

You have chosen to come together and stay together. Here are 12 tips.

 

  1. Focus on level one needs-
  • your health, do you need to go to the doctor or to the hospital? 
  • food 
  • Shelter
  • safety
  • clothing
  1. Share about how this is affecting you. Ask your partner how they are doing. Ask your partner what they need. Ask your partner what they need you to start doing and stop doing. Listen and show compassion.

 

  1. It’s OK to take a bit of space to process or journal or grieve independently.

 

  1. Keep doing the little things – they are very important, kiss, hug, greet each other hello and goodbye in your familiar way, have meals together, hold hands, etc.

 

  1. Do what needs doing together if possible or once finished come back together and talk about what you went through. 

 

  1. You may need to just sit in silence and comfort each other. Sometimes there just aren’t any words.

 

  1. When you accidentally take your anger out on your partner or neglect your partner, be sure to apologize as soon as they mention it or you realize it. Try to get back to communicating in a healthy way and staying connected.

 

  1. Reach out to friends and family, stay connected to your circle if you are able to. It will comforting to all of you.

 

  1. Your partner will need to get out their grief their own way. Sports or talking with friends volunteering, going to a support group, watching their favorite type of movie, journaling, etc. How will you get out your grief?

 

  1. Get professional help when you need it. Sometimes you just don’t know what to do and a counselor can really help you individually and as a couple. You will feel heard and also get coping skills to help you process your myriad of feelings. You will learn techniques that will help you process what’s happening and help you heal as a couple

 

  1. When you feel ready. get back to moments of fun and humor and doing things you enjoy together.

 

12. When you are ready, talk about what you want to create together out of this sad time, what you miss, what you want to have happen.

 

You may be feeling powerless but luckily growing apart or staying together is a choice. Choose to stay together even though it will be a rocky road. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. 

Your partner will need to be shown love and affection in their Love Language.  Check out my blogs on Love Languages for tips on how to show your partner how you feel about them in their language.  Touch and Quality Time are published and Acts of Service, Gifts and Words of Affirmation will be published in the next 2 weeks.

 

Not sure of your or your partner’s love language? Here is the link to the assessment, it will only take you about 20 minutes and I guarantee understanding your partner’s love language(s) will bring your closer. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes by Dr. Gary Chapman.

If you enjoy this and want the book, here is the link https://amzn.to/2WBsUgK

 

If you want to know when those are published follow me on YouTube or Instagram at Tamara TrueConnection.

 

Take good care of yourself and your partner, my thoughts are with you.

 

Tamara

TrueConnection

Relationship Coach

 

 

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